


exes play truth or drink: jaehyun and doyoung

by dochiwrites



Series: cut tv [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Truth or Drink, inspired by the cut series, present dowoo, there's an infamous and chaotically justified brojob scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 18:23:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20412286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dochiwrites/pseuds/dochiwrites
Summary: Exes Jaehyun and Doyoung are brought back together by college students who needed participants for their finals project.Hint: It involves handwritten cards and a bottle of tequila.





	exes play truth or drink: jaehyun and doyoung

**Author's Note:**

> this is heavily inspired by cut's truth or drink series, specifically tony & sofya's ep, and i mean down to their conversation. it hurts me so much that i just really feel like there was so much in that relationship that we're never getting so i decided to project it in dojae form
> 
> **disclaimer:** nothing majorly triggering in this but PLEASE, to know what ur getting yourself into, please read the tags.
> 
> **timeline:** their relationship lasted from 2017 to 2021, and they met up again on 2023. just so it doesn’t get confusing since the narrative is non-linear

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

“Hyung, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun nods.

Jaemin is leaned up to him, adjusting the mic from the neckline of his shirt to hide it as much as he can. “So the rules of the game are real simple, all you have to do is read a question out for Doyoung hyung and if he doesn't get to answer, he'll take a shot.”

Jaehyun chuckles at Jaemin. “Yeah, I know how this works.”

“I know, I’m just reading off the script to stay on record,” Jaemin mumbles. 

Jaehyun is seated in front of none other than Doyoung– his ex-boyfriend since approximately two years ago. They haven’t sat down alone since then. As a matter of fact, they aren’t even technically _ alone _today either.

They first started dating back in 2017, about six years ago. In front of him, nothing much has changed except his shoulders broadening and his hair curling. Jaehyun couldn’t help but think he looked healthier. When their relationship ended in 2021, they practically turned into strangers. And this is the first time they’re being held to sit down in a room and address their relationship.

Operating the camera a few meters away from them is Donghyuck, a college student from their alma mater that Jaehyun has seen roaming the hallways once or twice. Donghyuck is having a pretty intense discussion with Renjun (he thinks that’s his name) who inaudibly looks stressed out as he adjusts the recorder.

From what Jaehyun has heard, this project is a pretty big deal and is the dealbreaker for the kids’ final grades before graduation, and since Jaemin was practically begging at his doorstep that night for him to partake in it, it would’ve been cruel to say no. Not that _ that _ makes it any less pressuring.

“Thanks for doing this. I owe you.”

“I want the premium beef you promised,” Jaehyun nods.

Jeno, who's busy fixing Doyoung's mic across them, gives Doyoung a light nudge. “Hey, hyung, you did this willingly, right? I don’t need to treat you to some restaurant, right? Right?”

Doyoung squints at him, lightly shoving Jeno away as the younger one laughs. “I’ll think about it.”

Even when they were in college, Doyoung has always been fond of Jeno as he is to Jaemin. And knowing that these two guys are practically joined at the hip, it’s not unlikely that Jeno begged Doyoung as much as Jaemin begged him.

“It’s nice seeing you again,” Jaehyun takes up the courage to say. He can’t avoid him forever and if he wants to get through this day with the least awkward circumstances, he knows he has to get settled comfortably. “Your hair got curly.”

Doyoung smiles. “It has.” His hand reaches up to touch a strand and he crosses his eyes slightly to stare at it. It isn’t until Jaehyun stifles a giggle at him does he pull back and nod at him saying, “Yours is… still yours.”

Jaehyun chuckles, running a hand through his auburn-colored hair. He isn’t wrong though.

“Now that you’ve mentioned it, I’ve never seen Jaehyun hyung dye his hair color other than brown,” Jeno squints.

Jaemin chuckles, “It’s because he’s too impatient to get it done.”

“If I recall correctly, this is an exes truth or drink day, not a Jaehyun intervention day.”

Across him, a smile creeps on Doyoung’s face. 

“Hey,” Renjun calls them over, cutting their wisecracking short. “Should we start? It’s getting late and we still have to edit this whole thing, so might as well get it done.”

Jaemin and Jeno nod, stepping out of frame. Jaemin gives him a reassuring pat on the back while Jeno fixes the creases on Doyoung’s shirt one last time.

He takes a deep breath. The kid’s right. Might as well get this done.

* * *

** _five years ago: the move in_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _october 2018_ **

They had been together for a year now and Doyoung was no stranger to Jaehyun’s bed. 

Jaehyun woke up to their intertwined legs and tangled bedsheets around their bodies. His hand had been resting on the curve of Doyoung’s waist while Doyoung was curled up to his chest, snoozing lightly. Or so he thought.

He lifted his hand to push back a strand of hair falling over Doyoung’s eyes, and Doyoung hummed into a smile at the touch.

Doyoung fluttered his eyelashes open and Jaehyun felt it brush softly against his cheek. “Good morning,” he croaked in his morning voice.

“Did I wake you?”

Doyoung shook his head. His eyes scanned up to Jaehyun’s lips and he unthinkably traced a finger over the corners of it. “It’s alright. I have to get up anyway," he murmured.

Jaehyun frowned, not liking the idea of them removing themselves in the mess of his blankets. “What for?”

“I have a paper due tomorrow.”

“Do you have to?”

Doyoung chuckled, pressing his forehead at the crook of Jaehyun’s neck. He plays with the hem of Jaehyun's sleeveless shirt before asking, “Are you always this persuasive?”

“Don’t go,” he said, clinging onto Doyoung’s waist. “Stay, it’s the weekend.”

Doyoung paused and Jaehyun hoped he was considering it for a while. But eventually, Doyoung whispered, “You know I can’t.” 

Jaehyun sighed in defeat, finally rolling to his back and letting go of him. It took Doyoung a while to finally hoist himself up to the bed too that it makes Jaehyun feel a little better he wasn’t the only one reluctant on starting the day.

He watched Doyoung pick up his college sweatshirt and jeans from the carpet. It completely crossed Jaehyun's mind that he’s just in his boxers as well, suddenly remembering how the previous night got a little… heated.

“Do you want to spend the night here?” he asked.

Doyoung slipped the jacket over his head while simultaneously trying to shuffle into his jeans. “Tonight?” he asked, struggling to do two things at once.

Jaehyun got up from the bed, walking up to him to help pull the hoodie down over his head. “Every night,” he suggested quietly.

It left his mouth as soon as Doyoung had successfully zipped his pants up and it caught him by surprise. Still, Jaehyun’s hands lingered at the hood of his jacket.

Doyoung gaped his mouth for a while, eyes shifting from the floor and back to Jaehyun in disbelief until he finally picked up his words, “Are you asking me to move in with you?” The sound of his voice made it seem like Doyoung was genuinely not expecting to hear it so soon.

Jaehyun crept a smile and lifted his shoulders into a subtle shrug. “I’m a decent cook.”

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

“Let’s start off with the basic introductions,” Renjun suggests off-camera. He’s holding a wrinkled piece of paper which Jaehyun thinks is the list of questions written on the stack of cards laid out in front of them.

He and Doyoung catch each other’s eyes and Doyoung gestures a nod at him, signaling him to start. Jaehyun swears he can see Donghyuck in his peripheral vision physically curl himself up in a cringe.

He turns to the camera and waves the least awkward he can. “I’m, uh, Jaehyun.”

“I’m Doyoung," he follows. "And uh, we used to- date, I guess,” he chuckles, rubbing his head. Maybe Jaehyun isn’t the only one struggling through this after all.

“Is dating the right word?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward.

Doyoung squints at him curiously. “What would you call it?”

He shrugs. “We _ lived _ together for three years.”

Doyoung stares at him for a while, remembering the first time Jaehyun asked him to live with him a year into their relationship. Eventually, he nods. He purses his lips at him, quietly saying, “I guess that’s how we knew each other then, huh?”

“I guess so.”

Doyoung sighs. “Right.” He reaches out to grab the bottle of tequila between them and opens it to fill their glasses. Jaehyun notices his hands shake and as much as he wants to comment that this is how Doyoung is when he gets restless, he doesn’t. It’s not his place. “For good measure. Cheers.” 

Doyoung holds out his shot glass and Jaehyun does the same, clinking them as they downed the first drink together.

* * *

** _one year ago: the reunion_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _august 2022_ **

Jaehyun held onto the champagne glass on his hand. He leaned on a cheaply set up standing table, looking around to find any chairs he could zone out into, except that he arrived pretty late and all the limited seats in the conference room were already occupied.

A banner was spread out on top of the drinks table saying _ "Welcome, Batch 2019!" _ He caught sight of his friend Johnny fixing one side of the strings on it. He gave him a nod, raising his glass to him as the other gestured for him to stay there.

This was the third college reunion he attended and the first to be forced into.

It’s been a year since they broke up, and they haven’t exactly kept in touch since. It wasn’t like Doyoung didn’t try, but it was Jaehyun who kept ignoring his calls.

Jaehyun was even reluctant to drop by last year knowing people would ask why they didn't come together, and he'd have to go through all the awkward consolations from his batchmates when he ends up telling them things just didn't work out between them.

But this year was a lot worse than what Jaehyun could think of. This year, Doyoung had a boyfriend. Or so that’s what he's heard from his other batchmates.

A guy named Jungwoo from work. Jaehyun had never met him, but he was bracing himself to meet him today. It wasn't unlikely for couples to bring their partner to the reunion, even if they weren't from the same university. After all, it was technically a gathering to widen their networks.

To be honest, it broke Jaehyun when he first found out. He was already pretty broken when they ended things between them a year ago, but this was reopening a scab that was trying to heal. He didn't want to meet the guy nor see him in that matter. Not that he hated him. He just didn't need to know Doyoung already found someone who could make him happy again, something Jaehyun knew he failed to do.

He stirred the last remnants of the alcohol on his hand and finished it in one go. He could use another drink, he thought.

The minute he turned around to head over to the drinks table, he bumped into someone walking in the opposite direction as him.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed.

The guy was holding two glasses of red wine and thankfully managed to dodge the spill from his coat as it splashed on the tiles below them. The guy smiled, shaking his head.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He placed the glasses on the table where Jaehyun was standing at then gestured at the puddled mess between them. “This could be dangerous though.”

“Jaehyun?”

He looked over his back and saw Doyoung. Jaehyun was already expecting he’d see him at this gathering, but he didn’t exactly think he’d be gaping at him when he does. He’s wearing a light blue dress shirt, the same one he remembered being folded neatly on one of the drawers they used to share.

“Oh, you two know each other?” the guy asked, eyes shifting between them.

Doyoung walked up to them. Jaehyun knew he felt his eyes burning on him, but Doyoung tried his best to not catch Jaehyun’s. “He’s uh,” he stammered as Jaehyun looked away. “He’s a friend. We knew each other pretty well."

They stayed standing there for a while until Doyoung snapped out of it, clearing his throat for a formal introduction.

"Jungwoo, this is Jaehyun. ”

“It’s nice to meet you. I mean, it could’ve been better but regardless.” He reached out a hand to shake Jaehyun’s hand. “Jungwoo. Doyoung’s boyfriend.”

Jaehyun shook it, responding with a tight-lipped smile. There was no reason to hate him– with the way he shrugged off the accident earlier to the way he was giving Jaehyun the warmest smile, there was no reason to. It’s no wonder Doyoung would fall for someone like him.

Jaehyun could tell Doyoung was in an uncomfortable situation, shifting restlessly beside Jungwoo as he hid his hands in his coat. He was just about to open his mouth to break the tense atmosphere (mostly between them) until Jaehyun spoke up.

“I’m gonna go ask for a rug,” he muttered, excusing himself before the two of them could stop him.

He made his way outside the venue, finding Johnny laughing alongside their other peers with a bottle of beer in his hand. It had been three years since they graduated yet it still surprised Jaehyun how most of them have grown and adapted into the ‘real world.’ He couldn’t help but feel he was left behind.

Johnny caught him leaving by the exit and called him over. “Jaehyun!” He turned to Johnny and his friend’s face shifted into worry. “Jesus, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

"I should go."

“Why?”

He looked at his feet. Out loud, it sounded funny. Pathetic, even. Jaehyun was about to leave because Doyoung’s boyfriend introduced himself to him? Because Doyoung could walk around their friends not getting choked up unlike him? Jaehyun knew he was the one being irrational here. He didn’t know why was running away.

“Is it because of Doyoung?”

When he didn’t respond, Johnny took his hand, placing the bottle in his hand. “Here. Looks like you need some of this,” he chuckled.

He gripped onto it reluctantly as his friend watched him, encouraging him to drink it. With this, Jaehyun took a long swig, downing half of it as he received a pat on his back.

Jaehyun spent the rest of the night tailing behind Johnny. The thing about him getting drunk is that he doesn’t get scandalous, he just turns loud and extremely talkative until he reaches his high and eventually sobers up, turning into a wallflower.

This day wasn’t any different. He started off cracking jokes with a bunch of people he never met (or couldn’t remember) until he was fine enough on his own for Johnny to leave him. Eventually, he gained a few calling cards on his shirt pocket and a couple new contacts on his phone.

He started sobering up when the crowd finally lessened. A few more were left socializing and there were maybe one or two guys passed out drunk on the tables. Finding a vacant bench on the edge of the room, he sat down, playing with the sticker on his sixth (or seventh?) beer bottle. He could head home if he wanted to since it was getting pretty late. Still, he stayed.

“Mind if I sit?”

He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Instead, his eyes scanned the bench to estimate if there was enough space for the two of them. Figuring there was, he moved over to the side, allowing Doyoung to sit beside him. Jaehyun didn’t initiate a conversation, still determined on ripping the rest of the sticker on the bottle he’s holding.

“You never came back with that rug,” Doyoung chuckled lightly. When Jaehyun didn’t respond, he said, “I’m kidding. They had it cleaned up.”

After Jaehyun successfully got rid of the label, he wrapped it into a ball on his fist, letting the crumpled paper fall on the space separating their feet.

“Are you mad at me?”

When he turned his head up, Doyoung was looking at him. It wasn’t the same worried look on Johnny’s face when he stopped Jaehyun from leaving. Doyoung looked more… hurt.

“Why would I be mad at you?” he asked.

“Oh, okay.” Doyoung sighed, leaning back on his seat. His eyes scanned back to the crowd and Jaehyun followed.

Jungwoo, despite not being an alumnus of the event, had already made his own set of peers. He clung onto a glass in one hand and the other was slapping his thigh as he doubled over a joke one of the guys made. To be honest, he looked like someone Jaehyun would befriend.

“He looks nice,” he commented, taking one last sip from his bottle before emptying it completely.

Doyoung smiled and nodded, eyes not leaving Jungwoo. “He is.”

It stung. When Doyoung looked at Jungwoo like he was the only one of the room, it stung. “Do you love him?” The words left Jaehyun’s mouth before he could even think, and it startled both of them.

Doyoung turned back to him, eyes glancing at the beer in his hand. “How many of those have you had?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “Enough to ask that.”

Doyoung took in a deep breath, unspeaking. It was the first time they got to have a long look at each other and it almost flipped Jaehyun’s stomach. He missed this, he missed being his, getting to lean in and press their lips softly together whenever their eyes landed on each other. But he knew it was different this time.

“Hey.”

Doyoung broke away at the sound of Jungwoo’s voice. He was walking up towards them, phone in hand.

“Our ride’s here. Let’s go?”

Doyoung nodded at Jungwoo and looked at him one last time. “Listen, take care of yourself. Okay?”

Jaehyun nodded back as he watched Doyoung get up from his seat and reach out to interlock his hand with Jungwoo. Jungwoo gave him a grin, waving at him with his free hand.

The only thing left registered on his mind was how his question was left unanswered.

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

Doyoung winces at the alcohol burning down his throat. He’s pointing at the deck of cards in front of him, asking “Should I start?”

Jaehyun nods at him, setting his glass aside. As soon as Doyoung reaches out to read the first card, a smile cracks on his face. Jaehyun squints his eyes at him, leaning back on his seat.

“Am I a better lover than who you’re currently with?” Doyoung asks.

Jaehyun shakes his head, laughing at the question. He turns to the four college students, stifling their laughter from behind the camera. “Really? Already? Alright. First of all, I’m _ not _ currently with anyone. And second, god yes.”

Doyoung raises a brow at him, nodding at the compliment. 

“Jaehyun hyung,” Donghyuck calls. “Do you think Doyoung hyung feels the same way?”

Renjun suddenly guts Donghyuck at the follow-up question, eyeing him to shut up. Donghyuck heaves at the hit in his stomach.

“Oh, oh no.” Jaehyun shakes his head. “His boyfriend? Have you seen him? He’s charming. Gentlemanly.”

Doyoung nods, mumbling. “He is, yeah.”

There’s a silent pause, and Jaehyun coughs, saving themselves from the dead air. “My turn.” He grabs the next card. Upon reading it, he bellows in a full laugh, startling Doyoung. “Do you ever pop in my head while I masturbate? Hell, sure. Yes.”

Doyoung’s smile widens. “That question was for me, idiot.”

“Ah, fuck.” Jaehyun winces, sending the others in a laughing fit. He catches sight of Jeno literally on his knees by now. “Well, you do for me, so…”

Jaehyun could feel his cheeks heating from the embarrassment of having to accidentally admit he still fantasizes about Doyoung in his me-time.

“To answer that: in most recent times, no,” Doyoung admits silently and Jaehyun nods. Of course.

Doyoung takes the next card. “I dare you to take a body shot off me. Two shots to get out of it.”

Jaehyun chuckles, reaching for the bottle. “You have a boyfriend, I respect that.”

“That’s fair,” Doyoung says, pushing his glass to Jaehyun. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll take a shot with you. How’s that?”

Jaehyun grins at him, pouring each of them a drink. As Doyoung nods at him with his glass in his hand, he couldn’t help but think they’re finally breaking down the walls they’ve built on each other.

* * *

** _four years ago: the graduation_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _february 2019_ **

“Cheese!”

Doyoung hopped on Jaehyun’s back, taking him by surprise just in time for the shutter to click. Jaehyun gripped onto the back of his knees by instinct as he tried his best to balance himself in their graduation togas.

“Did I scare you? I almost thought we were going to fall,” Doyoung giggled, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s chest.

Jaehyun angled his face to his side, sneaking a kiss as he adjusted his grip on him. “You know I always got you,” he whispered, feeling the tassel off Doyoung's toga cup brushing his cheek.

“One more?” Johnny asked, signaling them to pose for his camera again. Doyoung leaned down and pressed his cheek on the side of Jaehyun’s head as Johnny took the photos.

After a short celebratory lunch with their friends at a Korean BBQ restaurant, the two of them decided to head straight home, declining an invitation to get wasted at a local bar before they all officially become jobless by morning.

When they arrived, Johnny had already sent them their shots via KakaoTalk. The ringtone flooded in as soon as they stepped inside and Doyoung was the first to check on it.

“This is nice, I like it,” he said after scrolling through the pictures. He walked up to Jaehyun who had collapsed himself on the couch, showing his phone.

“You like it? Let’s have it framed,” he grunted as he moved into a seated position and squinted at Doyoung’s phone.

Doyoung crawled up beside him, taking it upon himself to turn Jaehyun’s lap into a makeshift pillow. “Where would we put it?”

Jaehyun hummed, eyeing any sign of vacant space on the wall. To be honest, the apartment they lived in wasn’t that big nor impressive. But it was enough. Doyoung had been living with him for nearly eight months by then and it didn’t take long for them to find a sense of rhythm with each other’s lifestyles. After all, even before Jaehyun asked him to move in, Doyoung _ had _already been spending way too much time with him anyway.

“Here in the wall between the living room and kitchen,” Jaehyun suggested, pointing. “Then our diplomas would be framed by the door entrance. What do you think?”

Doyoung, with his eyes closed, smiled at his words. “Do you even have any idea how to nail a wall hook?”

“No, but we’ll find out.”

“Jung Jaehyun,” Doyoung muttered quietly, adjusting his head on Jaehyun’s lap so he’d be facing him.

Jaehyun looked down at him and brushed off the strands of hair covering his eyes. Doyoung always loved growing his hair, but Jaehyun could never stand seeing it poke his eyes. “Kim Doyoung,” he said back, almost teasing.

“I really really like you.”

It wasn’t the first time he’s said it, but the way he did that day was enough to make Jaehyun’s heart flutter. He could’ve sworn it almost jumped out of his chest. Doyoung looked at him longingly, there with his head nestled carefully on his thighs.

Jaehyun gulped, reaching out to run his thumb over Doyoung’s cheek. “I really really like you too.”

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

“Holy shit, this shit is strong,” Doyoung whistles. His face was starting to burn red and Jaehyun could feel his own cheeks heating up as well. “Okay, next,” he clears his throat. “Oh, this one’s good. Do you think I’ll make a good husband?”

Jaehyun tilts his head. “Definitely,” he says simply. Doyoung flicks the card at him. “What? I wanted you to be _ my _ husband.”

Doyoung stares at the shot glass, circling his finger around the rim and shaking his head. “You don’t mean that.”

“I wouldn’t have asked you to live with me if I didn’t,” he shrugs.

The memories of them living together for three years come rushing back in. When Doyoung left, it felt like a ghost town in the room they shared. Jaehyun couldn’t even sleep in his bed anymore for a while back then, the quietness haunting him even in his sleep.

He’s sensing Doyoung is thinking about it too because he doesn’t answer back. With this, Jaehyun takes in the next card. “This is easy. How long did it take you to get over us and what did you do to get yourself over it?”

Doyoung blinks for a while, pondering until he eventually moves to grab the bottle, pouring himself a shot.

“What? That bad?” Jaehyun scoffs in disbelief.

As soon as fills his glass to the measurement line, he raises it up at him and says, “Cheers.”

“Come on, how bad could it be?”

Doyoung shakes his head. “The rules say truth or drink. I chose to drink.” Jaehyun raises his hands in defeat, allowing Doyoung to reach for the next card. “Did you ever cheat on me and if you did, why?”

Jaehyun pauses, and it’s enough for Doyoung to throw the card to his face.

“You did not.”

He shakes his head quickly, saying, “I wouldn’t call it cheating.”

“Hyung,” Jaemin calls out off-camera. “Is... that a no?”

“I wouldn’t call it cheating!” he presses. 

* * *

** _four years ago: the first fight_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _october 2019_ **

To say that Doyoung and Jaehyun have never had an actual big fight before sounded too good to be true, but it was. By then, they had officially lived together for a year and the most they fought about was for one of them to stop stealing the blankets in the middle of the night, or when Doyoung would ask Jaehyun to quit using his toothbrush and Jaehyun would say he doesn’t. _ (‘I touched the bristle and mine was wet, you liar!’) _

For the most part, it was tolerable and often forgotten as soon as it finishes. All until that day.

Jaehyun was out of town for the weekend for a company retreat and Doyoung still hadn’t texted him. His colleagues could tell there was something going on back home with him, and whenever they asked, Jaehyun couldn’t quite bring himself up to say that he and Doyoung had been fighting over… uh… how Jaehyun performs head.

When Doyoung first opened it up the night before, chest heaving as his head sunk on the pillow, it hurt Jaehyun’s pride a bit. 

“You don’t like it?” he asked as he propped himself up on his elbow to hover above him on the bed.

“No, I do,” Doyoung reassured him. Jaehyun watched his chest go up and down, trying to catch his breath. “You just seemed a bit… unenthusiastic… lately.”

Jaehyun snorted, pulling back. “Sorry for having a full-time job.” He turned his back on Doyoung, opting to end the conversation.

“That is _ not _ what I meant,” Doyoung said back, accused. He hoisted himself up from the bed to look at Jaehyun, but he already has the sheets lifted up his head. “I’m just saying you could... use a bit more tongue. I’ve been telling you this for a while.”

A bit more tongue? Jaehyun furrowed his brows. He was at least sure he was using more than just ‘a bit more tongue.’ They had been living for almost a year and a half by now and Doyoung had always asked him _ ‘Hey, can you do this?’ _ or _ ‘Hey, can you do that?’ _ when he goes down on him and Jaehyun was just starting to realize that maybe Doyoung was not enjoying what he’s been offering him after all.

“Just do what I do to you. It feels good, right?” Doyoung said. He shuffled closer to him on the bed to shake him. “Hey, are you mad?”

Jaehyun turned to him. “I’m bad at blowjobs, you’re good at it. I get it.”

“You’re really going to make this about that?” Doyoung frowned.

“I’m not. But you are.”

“That wasn't meant to upset you. Why are you so offended?”

“You don’t get to decide what I find offensive or not.”

“Fine,” he scoffed, moving to the end of the bed away from him.

“Go get head from one of your friends, if that makes you happy.”

“If you say so,” Jaehyun heard Doyoung say under his breath.

Jaehyun felt he hit something there, but he shrugged it off. By morning, he’d be leaving for the weekend retreat, and he knew it was best to make up with each other before he did leave. But as soon as Doyoung turned his side of the lamp off, setting the room in complete darkness, Jaehyun knew it wasn’t happening.

Jaehyun was left alone inside his hotel room. He'd been alone for a few hours now after declining an invitation to drink some more with his colleagues at the rooftop bar. He figured he already had enough for the day.

As Jaehyun was scrolling through his phone, he suddenly heard the door unlock itself open.

“Jaehyun!" He looked back to find Sicheng, his roommate for the night. "What are you so gloomy about? The food is free, the hotel is nice, we’re away from the paperwork _ and _ the city traffic. So I’ll ask again. What are you so gloomy about?"

He pushed the door back with his feet, flopping himself down on the bed adjacent to where Jaehyun was.

He wasn’t wrong– it was more than an okay hotel. They’re lounged in a two-bedroom with a full view of the skylights from the glass window, and the company was generous enough to book it for their employees for free, even down to the highly expensive breakfast and dinner buffets.

“It’s, uh… Doyoung.”

“Everything okay?” Sicheng frowned.

“No,” he answered honestly.

There was no use lying to him. Sicheng was a close colleague and Jaehyun had learned to trust him whenever Sicheng would rant to him about his boss. In return, Jaehyun would talk to him about _ his _ own set of problems, knowing the word wouldn’t get out. In a way, it was cathartic.

“Why are you back here? I thought you were drinking with the rest of them?”

Sicheng groaned. “They’re asking me for another birthday toast and the guys down there are wasted already. I don’t think I can stomach any more of that horrible whiskey so now I’m in hiding.”

Jaehyun chuckled, knowing how much Sicheng couldn’t stand his boss but would do anything to feed off his generosity, even if he hated it.

“Plus, that guy from Finance that I like doesn’t feel like giving me a birthday blow me, so…”

This sparked a lightbulb in Jaehyun’s head, sitting up on his bed. Sicheng must’ve caught on because he quickly shook his head.

“No offense, but I don’t see you that way.”

Jaehyun sat up. “Look, this doesn’t have to mean anything between us. I promise. You can fantasize about that guy for all I care.”

Sicheng blinked at him. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Do you want to get sucked off or not?”

He paused, but Jaehyun knew he was considering it. Ultimately, he shrugged. “Fuck it, let’s go.” At this, he scooted back to the edge of the headboard. Jaehyun moved over to his side of the bed as Sicheng wriggled out of his jeans. “This is fucking crazy.”

“You can say that,” Jaehyun muttered.

“And unhealthy for your relationship, but you know that already.”

“Just shut up and let me know what you think.”

They both already had a few drinks in their system to get this courageous, just enough to still know this was crazy and a bit fucked up in that matter. But Jaehyun always hated not being his best in front of Doyoung, and it really took a kick at him when Doyoung implied that he was not enjoying their intimate relationship.

It wasn’t like Jaehyun wasn’t trying to improve either. On their way out of town, he already had his phone brightness set to the dimmest, scrolling through tips and techniques from online forums about how to give his partner the most satisfying blow. To be honest, there were a lot of things Jaehyun _ didn’t _ know, and he was way too eager to try it out. But instead of making a fool of himself doing this to Doyoung first, he decided to try it out on someone else– Sicheng being that guy.

It didn’t take long for Sicheng to reach his high, and it wasn’t like the guy was loud either. But every once in a while, Jaehyun could hear him repeatedly mumbling _ ‘Yuta, shit… Yuta’ _that it almost made him chuckle in between his work.

Before Sicheng could finish himself off, Jaehyun pulled his head away from Sicheng’s thighs, allowing the other to do his own job. He got up to throw a towel at him which landed on the bed beside his friend, who was still trying to catch his breath with his load sprawled over his shirt.

“Sicheng.”

“I have a lot of things going on in my mind right now. Please don’t talk to me,” he said as he tried his best to remove the stain from his shirt to no avail. He chuckled, “This was actually my favorite shirt.”

“Do you think he’d like that?”

Sicheng paused. “Who’d like what?”

“Doyoung. Do you think he’d like that? What I did?”

“Jesus, Jaehyun,” he laughed, getting up to walk past him to the bathroom.

His stomach sank for a while, thinking if he couldn’t even satisfy a friend, what more of Doyoung. He nodded quietly, accepting the fact that maybe he’s just not gifted in that alley. But once Sicheng reached the door, he turned back to Jaehyun.

“You must really like him if you’re gonna give him head that good,” he chuckled approvingly.

Jaehyun pursed his lips as soon as Sicheng locked the bathroom door. He has to admit, he’s a bit proud of himself.

By the time he got back home the next afternoon, he found Doyoung at the front door. It looked like he had just finished his afternoon jog, entering the passcode to their apartment. He smiled, an idea suddenly came across him to sneak up and hug Doyoung from behind. When he did, he felt Doyoung hitch his breath from the sudden attack, gripping onto his arms.

“Don’t scare me like that!” he grumbled.

Jaehyun buried his head in the crook of Doyoung’s neck with the other reaching up a hand to stroke his hair. It had only been two days but Jaehyun surely missed this. “I missed you,” he muffled against Doyoung’s skin, tasting the saltiness of it.

“I missed you too, but this is disgusting, I’m all sweaty.”

He shook his head, not letting go. “I don’t care.”

“Jaehyun?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

Then and there, Jaehyun felt the weight on their shoulders wear off. It was just that, a miscommunication wherein their feelings got ahead of themselves. 

“Me too.”

They eventually got back inside the house and Jaehyun didn’t wait to kiss him. He caught Doyoung’s lips, pushing him lightly against the door to close it. Doyoung didn’t think twice before kissing him back. His fingers tangled up Jaehyun’s hair as Jaehyun snaked his hands inside Doyoung’s shirt, slightly sticking to the sweat of his skin.

Eventually, making out led to another that ended with Doyoung’s legs spread out on the couch and Jaehyun down on his knees in front of him. He helped wriggle him out of his sweatpants and trailed kisses up to the inside of his thighs, with Doyoung instinctively clutching onto Jaehyun's shoulder blades, hitching his breath.

Doyoung leaned back on the couch as Jaehyun did his work– and used his tongue in full glory this time. Doyoung didn't hesitate to grip onto his Jaehyun's hair, pushing him in deeper as Jaehyun obliged, trying his best to get the whimpers out of Doyoung's mouth.

After a few _ 'Ah, fuck, Jaehyun' _ s and _ 'Holy shit, Jaehyun's _later, he finally finished Doyoung off.

Doyoung still leaned down on the couch, ran a hand softly over Jaehyun's hair. Jaehyun rested his head on his thighs, feeling a sense of home at the rhythm of Doyoung’s fingers on his head. They stayed like that for a few minutes as Jaehyun waited for Doyoung’s breathing to pace normally again. When he finally looked up at him, Doyoung smiled. 

“I take it you’ve learned something from that business trip.”

Jaehyun laughed. “You love that?”

Doyoung’s hand traced down to cup his cheek and said, “I love _ you,” _ correcting him.

Jaehyun very much loved him too.

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

When Jaehyun finishes telling the story, the four college students have their jaws dropped and eyes wide while Doyoung is just staring at him, silently comprehending.

"You gave your workmate a platonic blowjob... so you could practice... for me?" Doyoung asks, deadpan.

He nods curtly. “It’s not something I’m proud of, but yes.”

Doyoung tilts his head back, and it relieves Jaehyun that a smile is forming on his face. “Oh my god,” he chuckles. “Where is he? That Sicheng guy?”

Jaehyun shrugs, “With Yuta from Finance, probably.”

“I can’t believe you,” he shakes his head, laughing. “That’s why the first thing you did when you came back home was give me head?”

“I got better at the job though, right?” he shrugs.

Doyoung stares at him in disbelief, biting down his lip from a smirk. “Yeah, you did,” he agrees silently.

Jaehyun clears his throat, breaking the eye contact. “My turn,” he says as he grabs the next card. “What was your least favorite thing that I did to you in bed?”

Doyoung raises his brows at him. “You really wanna know?”

“That or you take a shot. The rules say truth or drink,” Jaehyun shrugs, using his words back at him.

“Alright.” Doyoung grins, nodding at the fair play. “It’s when you didn’t use your tongue whenever you gave me head.”

“I know, that’s why I took matters into my own hands.”

“You mean your own mouth?” Donghyuck cuts them off. Suddenly he’s on his feet, running away before he could get another gut punch from Renjun. Jaemin and Jeno choke back a laugh, motioning for the two to go on.

“Oh my god, alright let’s move on.” Doyoung grumbles, taking the next one. “If you could do it all over again, what would you change?”

Jaehyun leans over, elbows resting on the table. He stares at him for a few good seconds before finally telling him, “I wouldn’t have changed anything.”

Doyoung shakes his head. “That’s not allowed. Drink.”

“What? It’s my truth!” Jaehyun exclaims.

“Drink, Jaehyun.” Doyoung is reaching to fill his glass, but Jaehyun’s head is already starting to spin and he’s sure he’s a few drinks away from doing something completely stupid.

“Fine, I’ll answer,” he says quickly, reaching for his empty shot glass before Doyoung could pour on it. “I would’ve used my tongue m–”

“Oh my god,” Doyoung sags his head laughing before Jaehyun could finish talking.

“I have a quick question.” They both turn their heads back to look over at Jeno. “Can we honestly use this footage?”

Renjun groans, rubbing his temple. “I’m hearing the word ‘tongue’ so much it’s starting to sound unreal.”

* * *

** _three years ago: the new year’s eve party_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _january 2020_ **

Johnny’s New Year’s Eve parties were usually a mix of high school friends, college friends, and a few close colleagues from work. When Doyoung and Jaehyun arrived at the rooftop, most of the people were already drunk and making out with each other.

“It’s like we walked right into an orgy,” Doyoung whispered to Jaehyun as they weaved through the crowd. He clung onto Jaehyun’s hand, intertwining their fingers as Jaehyun tugged him closer, breathing a laugh.

“Hey!” Johnny called out to them from behind. As soon as he made his way, he wrapped his arms between the two of them. “Jesus, aren’t you two tired of each other yet?” he asked jokingly.

Doyoung leaned closer to sniff him and wrinkled his nose. “Is the host drunk already?”

“The host _ has _ to be drunk,” Johnny pointed at him, slightly stumbling on his feet.

Jaehyun laughed, patting his back. “Happy New Year, buddy.” Johnny turned to him and mouths a drawn-out _ ‘thank you’ _, clinging onto his chest as he excused himself to entertain new guests.

When Jaehyun caught Doyoung’s eye, Doyoung tipped his head at him. “Wanna get out of here?”

“Do I ever.”

Doyoung led the way, finding the narrow fire exit that led down to the balcony of Johnny’s room. The two of them climbed down one by one as the music from the rooftop slowly turned into muffled noise. Johnny’s balcony wasn’t too spacious, but it was enough for the two of them.

Doyoung turned behind him as he tried to lodge open the sliding door that led to the bedroom. “Wow, he remembered to lock it this time,” Doyoung commented, impressed.

Jaehyun cracked a smile as he went to check for himself. “Looks like he learned his lesson.”

“You mean when we broke in the same way last year to have sex on his bed?”

Jaehyun tilted his head at him and Doyoung had on him a mischievous grin. “I didn’t wanna say it.”

“You have to admit, that was pretty fun.”

“Yeah, until he caught us. We were so worried about him walking in on us at the front door, we forgot there was a balcony.” Jaehyun scratched his head at the memory and Doyoung laughed hard, eyes squinting, it made Jaehyun want to kiss him right there and then.

They stayed seated on the floor for a while, cross-legged as their knees bumped into each other. They listened to the howling and cheering from upstairs and Doyoung turned his eyes upward at the noise. “What time is it?”

Jaehyun reached out for his phone to check. “A minute 'till New Year.”

Doyoung widened his eyes at him. “We’ve been hiding here for two hours?”

“Guess that’s how time passes by with you,” Jaehyun smiled, shrugging.

Suddenly, they started hearing the people greeting each other a Happy New Year. Fireworks erupted from a view– some were grand while some shot short sparks upward. The cars parked on the streets began to honk as a greeting the same time some children were running around the alleys, tooting their paper horns.

As Doyoung was staring down at the kids playing, Jaehyun took his chance to lean over and catch his lips when he turned his head back. “Happy New Year,” he breathed as he inched his face away, smiling.

Doyoung stayed still for a second, eyes fluttering open and landing on Jaehyun’s lips inevitably. He leaned forward to close the gap between them once more. His hands moved to cradle the back of Jaehyun’s neck and Jaehyun held onto his waist, shifting him on his seat until he was sitting squarely on Jaehyun’s lap.

The kiss was slow, almost a story. Their heads tilted opposite each other and they just sat there. It took Doyoung all the time in the world to kiss Jaehyun slowly despite the rush from their surroundings.

When they finally broke away, Doyoung pressed his forehead on Jaehyun’s. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Doyoung repositioned himself, turning over so Jaehyun could wrap his arms around him, spooning. “Do you think we’d ever get tired of each other?” he asked, resting on Jaehyun’s chest.

Jaehyun frowned, remembering what Johnny said to them earlier. “Did Johnny get in your head?” 

Doyoung stayed quiet, his hands playing with Jaehyun’s who had them resting on his stomach. “I really want us to last,” he quietly whispered.

Jaehyun felt a dip on his stomach. It was all he wanted, and he needed Doyoung to know that. Without much thought, he planted a kiss on the top of Doyoung’s head and said, “Me too.”

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

Doyoung grins teasingly as soon as he reads out the card and Jaehyun couldn’t help but brace himself at what’s about to hit him. He flips the card to him for proof. “Would you go out with me again?”

He stays quiet for a while and Doyoung cocks a brow at him. Ultimately, he eyes the nearly half-empty bottle and decides to pour himself a drink, watching his tiny glass fill up to the line.

“You’re backing out on a yes or no question?” Doyoung snickers.

Grimacing at the taste of alcohol, Jaehyun mumbles quietly, “You know the answer, Doyoung.”

The smile on Doyoung’s face drops into something… sad? Upset? Jaehyun looks away before he could decipher what it is. Doyoung quietly sets the card aside, tilting his head at him. “Your turn.”

The moment Jaehyun turns to read the card, his eyes linger on it for a while. He takes in a deep breath and makes a mental note to never accept any favors from Jaemin ever again. Doyoung looks at him as if to say_ ‘Well?’ _

He lowers the card down to his lap, flipping it again and again as he traced his thumb over the messy handwriting. “Do you still love me?”

He turns to look away from Doyoung and focuses his eyes on the younger ones. Jaemin and Donghyuck are biting their nails and Jeno is seated on a chair, looking down at the paper Renjun is gripping onto. The atmosphere takes an awfully quiet turn.

Jaehyun is bracing himself to hear the sloshing sound of the alcohol being poured– an indirect answer meaning ‘no.’ Doyoung has always been too nice to say something like that out loud. Except that Jaehyun doesn’t hear it. Instead, what he hears is an unhesitant “Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I always will, Jaehyun. You know that.”

When Jaehyun finally looks up at him, Doyoung holds his gaze. Doyoung loves him, of course he does. But it isn’t the same as how Doyoung loves Jungwoo. It isn’t the same as how Jaehyun still does. It’s a way that is so much more than romantic love– Jaehyun wants him to know that. Yet in the end, Jaehyun knew he couldn’t say it. He shouldn’t. Not when he’s a few drinks in too deep. Not when they’re both vulnerable like this. 

“I fucked up,” he says quietly.

Doyoung leans forward, reaching out to touch Jaehyun’s hand. The touch makes him flinch for a second, but he allows him to intertwine their fingers. A rush of memories come flooding down his head, particularly when they had laid seated on Johnny’s balcony that New Year’s, playing with each other’s fingers.

They stay like that for a while until Jaehyun notices Doyoung sniffing. Just as he catches sight of Doyoung’s tears welling up his eyes, Doyoung pulls back, wiping them away before they could fall.

“Sorry,” he clears his throat, eyes already starting to swell. “You know I’m an emotional drunk.”

* * *

** _two years ago: the downfall_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _june 2021_ **

Doyoung had been leaving the apartment every weekend for the last two months. He'd let Jaehyun know he watched a movie with this, or went out to dinner with that. Jaehyun didn't ask because Doyoung let him to do the same sometimes. It was just how their relationship was– to not feel constrained or tied down.

That Friday night, Jaehyun decided to work a few hours overtime. At around nine in the evening, his phone started ringing and he picked it up from his desk to see Doyoung’s caller ID.

“Hey, you’re not home?” Doyoung asked as soon as he answered. He could hear the familiar sound of the busy streets near their apartment and figured Doyoung was walking back home.

Jaehyun, with his eyes glued to the screen, tilted his head to his shoulder to keep his phone in place. “Ah, no. I’m still at work.”

“Oh, okay,” Doyoung said. “I was actually thinking we could have dinner outside tonight.”

“I thought you’d be out with your friends. That’s why I stayed.” Jaehyun gave a wave to a colleague beside him who finished shutting his computer off, gesturing he’d be on his way.

“I didn’t go with them.”

“Why?”

There was a pause and Jaehyun thought the line got disconnected, even checking his phone screen to see.

“You really don’t know?” Doyoung asked him flatly.

“I would if you tell me.”

“Forget it, Jaehyun.” Then he hung up.

Jaehyun frowned, staring at his phone._ ‘What did I do?’ _he thought.

Doyoung neither called nor texted back after that so Jaehyun kept working. When he finally felt the strain on his wrists and his back, he glanced at the bottom of his screen to check the time. It was a quarter to ten already. He did one final stretch before deciding to save his work and shut the computer down, taking his coat from his seat as he nodded at a few others left typing on theirs.

Right after Jaehyun unlocked the apartment door on himself, he’s greeted by a fairly huge bouquet of flowers on the living room coffee table. He walked over to it curiously, picking up the note to read it.

“Fuck,” Jaehyun breathed out, pressing a palm on his forehead.

_ ‘Happy fourth anniversary, babe! - DY’ _

Jaehyun knew he screwed up big time, recalling how he answered so obliviously when Doyoung had started sounding upset on the phone. He knew he should have taken action, there was no excuse for it. Except he didn’t. 

Instead, he walked up to their room, finding Doyoung already laid down on his side of the bed. His back was turned from the door so Jaehyun wouldn’t have known if he was awake or pretending to sleep. The rational thing to do was to go up to him and apologize. Jaehyun knew that. But all he did was scoot onto his side and slid onto the sheets, saving this conversation for a rainy day.

By morning, the flowers were nowhere to be found.

They didn’t speak a few days after that. Jaehyun would wake up and Doyoung was already gone for work. Their mode of communication consisted of texts telling where they were or sticky notes left out on the fridge.

Jaehyun was the first to attempt an actual conversation when he asked Doyoung if he wanted to eat lunch outside with him. When Doyoung said no and didn't even bother explaining why, that’s when Jaehyun knew the line had been drawn.

Eventually, they were no longer a couple living together but rather two roommates sharing one bed, occasionally striking up a question here and there. It was hard not to miss that something changed in them and neither wanted to admit it.

As soon as July came, Doyoung has been spending the nights more at his parents’ house. He never explained because Jaehyun never asked. But whenever Doyoung did stay over, it always ended with them arguing about Doyoung being the only one trying to make their relationship work.

By August, he was already packing his bags. They talked it out after meeting at a restaurant they used to date in, and Jaehyun wished it had never been that place because he couldn’t even step inside it anymore.

He swore it was fine, and they were already headed towards a dead-end long before they officially broke up anyway. Jaehyun felt like the only thing keeping them together was the fact that both of them were just waiting for the other to acknowledge a break-up, and he allowed Doyoung to be the one to.

Still, he was a hot mess. Johnny had to physically drag him out of the house to go meet new people, convincing Jaehyun that with a face like his (after a good shave) wouldn’t even need to make an effort. At some point in time, he did manage to meet a girl that he occasionally got to sleep with, so as just to feel something. Or was it to forget? Either way, he didn’t. She knew, though. After the fifth hook-up, she called things off with him saying it was evident he was still hung up on someone.

Jaehyun didn’t stop her.

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

“When did you know it was over?”

As soon as the question leaves Doyoung’s mouth, Jaehyun freezes. It’s every memory he’s pushed to the back of his mind knowing some of those days were not his proudest moments. Doyoung doesn’t look too excited to find out either. The teasing smile on his face is gone and he lets the card fall to his feet, watching it.

“When we stopped talking,” Jaehyun says quietly, thoughts of the past rushing back to him. “When you began spending less time at the apartment. It’s like your friends became more important than me, and I just… kind of knew.”

Doyoung tips his head, hesitating to say something.

“It’s not that they became more of a priority than you, it’s just…I knew what kind of support I needed and I just wasn’t getting that from you anymore.”

When their eyes meet, Jaehyun couldn't help but hurt to see the look in his eyes.

“We just stopped sharing our lives," Doyoung shrugs and breathes out a stoic laugh. "I guess I found a home in them.”

“I’m sorry,” he says in a whisper, not even sure if it’s audible enough to hear. Still, Doyoung nods in acknowledgement.

The room remains silent for a while, both of them contemplating about the downfall of the relationship they thought would last. It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to break the quiet, going, “Hyung.”

Jaehyun takes a deep breath and looks at him.

“Could you answer honestly this time? No jokes.” Jaemin gulps, looking over at his friends. Jaehyun was half-expecting Renjun to stop him, but he doesn’t. “Is there something you wish you did that would’ve changed things?”

Jaehyun knits his brows at him and goes, “Why do you keep insisting I answer this? He’s in a relationship for God’s sake.”

“No, go on,” Doyoung shakes his head, looking at him. "Just let me know."

The rest of the younger ones unthinkably start leaning forward from their places, suddenly intrigued to hear what Jaehyun has to say.

He takes in a deep breath. He’s too drunk to back down now anyway.

“There’s a lot of things I wish I did. For one, I would’ve said yes to that date.” He turns to Doyoung and he gives Jaehyun a melancholic smile, knowing exactly which one he was referring to. “But mostly, I would’ve talked things through. There were problems that I really think were unavoidable, and I had every chance to address it, but I let it pass by me thinking it was gonna fix itself. I was wrong.”

“That’s very noble of you,” Doyoung says at him sincerely.

Jaehyun shrugs. “Some things you live to regret.”

* * *

** _one year ago: the chance encounter_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _october 2022_ **

The view from Jaehyun’s office building was always picturesque during late autumn. Arguably, it was almost his favorite season. By lunch break, he decided to go out for a walk to a nearby coffee shop outside the building.

Working at the heart of the business district not only meant being near cafes and restaurants, it also meant passing by other employees working around the area. Still, when Jaehyun has himself leaned up on the waiting counter while his coffee was being brewed, he didn’t expect to have Doyoung tapping him on the shoulder.

He had a huge grin on his face and looked genuinely happy to run into Jaehyun. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” Jaehyun managed to say back, his mind a little blank.

The last time he saw Doyoung was at that college reunion a few months ago, the same day he first got introduced to Jungwoo. This day though, Doyoung was by himself.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” Doyoung said.

“I decided to take a walk.”

“Right.” Doyoung nodded at him knowingly. “I forgot how you’re always in your best mood in autumn.”

Jaehyun smiled at Doyoung’s memory of him. “That’s right.”

“For Jaehyun?” the barista called out, holding out his coffee for to-go.

“Hey, are you in a rush?” Doyoung asked him before he could take the coffee. 

“Uh,” Jaehyun glanced at the watch on his wrist. In fact, he still had 45 minutes to spare, and his office was just a few blocks away. He gulped. “Actually, I am.”

“Oh.” Doyoung stammered. “Oh, okay.”

Jaehyun gave him an apologetic smile.

He knew Doyoung was trying to mend things between them, but to be honest, it was only hurting Jaehyun more. Even after a year, Jaehyun was still pining, regretting how he let go off Doyoung, the greatest thing to ever come across to his life. For Jaehyun, Doyoung was and always will be his biggest_ ‘what if’. _But right now, he didn’t want to find out.

“I guess I’ll see you around, then,” Jaehyun finally said, tipping his head lightly at him as he finally claimed his drink.

“Yeah,” Doyoung said back.

But before Jaehyun could turn his back, Doyoung tugged at his sleeve subtly, stopping him before he could leave. Jaehyun looked at him dumbstruck.

“Jaehyun.” Jaehyun blinked at him in question. “We’re good, right?”

It took him a second, but he responded with a curt nod, even offering a smile. “Yeah, of course.” 

This shouldn’t be on Doyoung, Jaehyun thought. He shouldn’t be burdened about Jaehyun’s inability to move on from him. This was his own baggage to carry. Not his.

When Doyoung slowly let go of his sleeve, he nodded back, still a little reluctant. Finally, Jaehyun left the cafe, the weight on his chest heavier than before.

* * *

** _present day_ ** ** _  
_ ** ** _april 2023_ **

Jaehyun’s heart starts racing as soon as he reads the card. He crumples it in is fist and motions at the bottle. “Take a shot. You’re not gonna want this.”

Doyoung frowns at him. “What does it say?”

“Just please, take a shot,” he pleads.

Doyoung holds his hand out, asking for the paper. Jaehyun stares at his balled up fist and sets it on the table. When Doyoung finally opens it to see for himself, he lets out a chuckle, turning to the younger ones.

“Really?” he asks blankly then proceeds to read it out. “I dare you to make out with your ex.”

Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun turn to Donghyuck who raises up his hands defensively. “What? I was running out of things to write!” he blurts out.

When Doyoung looks back at Jaehyun, Jaehyun is already filling up Doyoung’s glass. “Don’t even think twice.”

He hands the glass to him and Doyoung takes it, gulping it down in one go. Doyoung winces as soon as he takes it in, setting the glass down and reaching out for the next, and last, card.

“Last one,” he waves it in his hand, clearing his throat. “Are you happy with your life right now?”

Jaehyun leans back on his seat. Is he? It isn’t like Jaehyun went into rock-bottom when they ended things together, although he has to admit, it was close if not for Johnny keeping him in check.

Still, Jaehyun managed. He’s managing, at least. 

They haven’t technically kept in touch after the break-up, and it’s been two years by now. He doesn’t blame Doyoung though. If anything, Jaehyun is the one being completely avoidant.

Their last encounter was running into each other at a coffee shop last autumn, and that’s it. Jaehyun even had to lie about being busy just to keep himself away. 

“Are you?” he asks Doyoung.

Doyoung tilts his head at him. “In _ my _ life?” Jaehyun nods. Doyoung looks up, considering the question. “In some ways, yeah.”

“Good. Then yes.”

“Really?” Doyoung smiles. 

“It just sucked because… As much as I wanted to hate you so I could just _ move on _, I couldn’t. I just…” This is it, Jaehyun thinks. This is the alcohol speaking. And shit, does he know this is about to hurt. “I just really thought it was gonna be you.”

Now Jaehyun isn’t really a fond believer of fate. But he really did think Doyoung was going to be it.

Doyoung watches him closely. His eyes have been red for the past few minutes now and they aren’t about to rest from swelling now either. It doesn’t take long for the first tear to roll over his cheek and he doesn’t bother wiping it.

Doyoung reaches out his hand and Jaehyun takes it, and they stay like that for a while– just holding each other. It isn’t the same as it used to be. It never will be. But today, Jaehyun allows himself to feel. 

The tears stream down Jaehyun’s face, and he shuts his eyes to stop them. Not even when he feels Doyoung cupping his face does he open his eyes, allowing him to wipe the tears away as Doyoung lets his own fall down.

“Say,” Doyoung clears his throat, grabbing the bottle. “How about we wipe our tears away with alcohol?”

Jaehyun chuckles, nodding as he dries his eyes. “That’d be great.”

They end up finishing the last drop of alcohol on it, both of them raising their glasses to each other. Doyoung leans over the table and smiles at him, offering a toast.

“Jung Jaehyun. I am _ so _ glad I got to know you. And I’m always wishing for the best things in life to happen to you. I love you. So much.”

“Kim Doyoung,” Jaehyun starts. “I am so glad you were… are… a part of my life. Thank you for being my partner, my best friend, and one of my greatest life lessons. Cheers.”

As they drained their glasses empty, they receive an applause coming from the younger ones. Jaehyun couldn’t quite tell, but he was at least skeptic some of them were moved by tears. The two of them couldn’t help but laugh and Doyoung even gets up to take an elaborate bow as if part of an encore musical.

When Renjun finally turns off the camera and gives them a thumbs up saying it ended, the others rush up to them. Jaemin holds out a bottle of water, opening it for Jaehyun. He stoops down to remove the mic from him as Jaehyun hydrates himself sober.

“You did good, hyung.” Jaemin pats his chest.

Donghyuck walks up to them, handing him and Doyoung a Costco gift certificate as an incentive. Doyoung snickers, pointing out at the expiry date in three days. “It’s the best I can offer, hyung. Take it or leave it.”

“I’m not complaining, I’m just pointing it out!” Doyoung laughs.

The second their eyes meet again, Jeno and Jaemin are already back at the end of the room with the rest of them. They’re watching Renjun from his laptop, possibly already starting to edit the video together.

“This was fun,” Doyoung addresses him. “I was completely nervous at first and I really didn’t know what to expect when Jeno asked me to do this, but I had fun. I mean it.”

“Even if we both ended up bawling our eyes out?”

Doyoung rolls his eyes at him and Jaehyun grins.

Doyoung looks away before their eyes could meet. They stay quiet for a few minutes– with Doyoung fishing his phone out of his pocket. As soon as he turns it on, Jaehyun hears the notifications continually flood his phone and he’s left occupied going through them.

When Jaehyun glances at his own phone, he realizes it’s almost late. “I should get going,” he tells Doyoung.

Doyoung looks at him and opens his mouth but is interrupted by Jeno from across the room.

“Hyung. Don’t you want to sober up?” Jeno asks when he sees Jaehyun get up from his seat. “I can call a cab for you, really.” 

Doyoung watches him closely, waiting for his response.

Jaehyun shakes his head, waving his hand at Jeno to stay where he is. “It’s okay, kid. Don’t worry about it. I can’t miss the train, so…”

Jeno, reluctant at first, eventually nods at him. “Alright. Take care, hyung. Text Jaemin when you get back.”

“Text me back or I will personally flood your inbox!” Jaemin calls out, waving at Jaehyun. Jaehyun waves back.

When he exits the room, he clicks on the elevator button down to the lobby. It takes a while to ascend as Jaehyun watches the floor numbers light up. Eventually, the doors open and greet him emptily and Jaehyun steps in to go down at last. His head still spins but he manipulates his mind into steadying itself, even just for the meantime.

“Jaehyun, wait.”

Jaehyun unthinkably presses on the button that holds the door open. He watches Doyoung run up to him from the room, standing face to face with him in front of the open doors. Jaehyun is looking at him blankly, not entirely sure what Doyoung is here for.

“Did I forget something?” Jaehyun finally asks.

Doyoung shakes his head. “I- I just…” he stammers. “I wanted to know if you’re okay.”

Jaehyun looks down at his feet. In fact, no he isn’t. If there’s anything he took away from this day is that he is still completely _ not _ over you, Kim Doyoung. He isn’t saying it out loud, but Jaehyun can sense that Doyoung knows, and he just needs to hear it for himself.

But Jaehyun isn’t going to confirm his doubts, not like this. He wouldn’t do that Jungwoo. He doesn’t know much about him but he knows Jungwoo is a nice guy and he most definitely doesn’t deserve this– for him to give Doyoung second thoughts.

Jaehyun looks back up at him. No more lies this time.

“I will be,” he says quietly.

It takes Doyoung a while to respond, but he gives him a subtle nod. And just like that, Jaehyun presses the button as Doyoung watches the doors close.

Jaehyun may not be okay, but he’d like to think he will be one day.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading~  
as always, kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
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